It’s only 2/1, and I’m convinced the world is ending due to what happened in January

By Brendon Lindsey
Tags: Apocalypse, George W. Bush, Hannah Montana, Heath Ledger, Meet the Spartans, Oliver Stone

We’re one month into 2008. That’s 31 (or 32) days. Already, though, we’ve had so much stupidity and bad news around the movie industry that I would not be surprised if tomorrow, I walked outside and found the entire earth covered in flames, while demons drive by in giant, flaming cars shooting explosive fireballs at people to the tune of bad 80’s music. Basically, I expect the apocalypse to look like a Michael Bay film.

Here’s what’s happened so far in 2008 that’s convinced me:

Heath Ledger dies, and people are still convinced it’s a marketing plot. While most people are paying their respects to Ledger or admiring the short (but awesome) career he had, there are others who are still convinced that this is all part of a marketing ploy for The Dark Knight. That at the movie premiere, Ledger will come out of a limo, and when everyone starts gasping and looking at him will go, “Why so serious?” In fact, two of the people I work with actually bet money against another co-worker that this was true.

Meet the Spartans is number one. I can only pray that it isn’t the number one movie in America this weekend as well, but last weekend, Meet the Spartans took home the title of Top Movie at the Box Office. What the fuck, people? How does that absolute piece of crap “comedy” take in over $18 million dollars? Does anyone know a single person who actually saw it or thought it looked funny? I have no idea where all these people came from. This is like that whole Kangaroo Jack fiasco all over again, but this time it’s much worse, because there’s no way little kids are bugging their parents to see Meet the Spartans. I can only blame supernatural forces.

Oliver Stone announced he’s going to make a George W. Bush biopic. I didn’t believe it when I read it either, because Oliver Stone has been no loyal supporter to Bush’s regime. It’s not the news that’s so surprising, because biopics have been all the rage since The Queen struck big. What IS surprising and worrying is the fact that Oliver Stone is making a movie based on President George W. Bush and doing so in a fair way showcasing the man, not slamming him. Did they replace Stone with a robot?

Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert is at 82% on Rotten Tomatoes. This is what spawned me to try and collect my thoughts in one post. Right now, the Hannah Montana concert is sitting at double digits in terms of critics reviewing it, and it’s still above 80%. A higher percentage of critics liked this horrible idea of a movie more than American Gangster, Cloverfield, I Am Legend, Atonement, and Walk Hard. I really, really don’t get it.

Michael Bay is ruining another 80s classic. Transformers was bad enough, but when the master of explosions, cuts and out of place dialogue gets his hand on a film series all about the tension, build-up and subtlety of the situation…  “1, 2 Bay is gonna do you, 3, 4, scenes will end up on the floor, 5, 6, the movie’s going to suck but I can’t think of another rhyme.”

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